As a young adult I have many dreams and desires for my future. I know that my dreams are not unusual. I want to be successful with my career and I want to travel and have adventures and someday I hope to be able to have a family of my own. My family, has the potential to be so many things and just like every dream I wish it would be perfect. But unfortunately not everything will go as you wish or as you hope it will be. There will be things that happen that you can't prepare for but can be expected to happen. So what is the best way to prepare for a "perfect family" and is it even possible to achieve those desires? I hope though my views may be religious in nature that there can be found some truth and encouragement in my words.
The Practical Mindset
When you imagine your family, you often think of first the person you will marry and what they will be like. What their background will be like and how they may look and every other detail down to what their favorite color is so that the wedding may be perfect. Next step in the planning for family process is the children and how you will raise them and how many you will have. The most terrifying part after saying "I do," is the children and how things will be for them in their lives. With all of these challenges and fears it is common for individuals and families to seek professional counseling in the form of therapists, councilors, relatives, and even religious leaders for council and advise on how to raise up a good strong family.
In the religious mindset of things, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, has a document that was created in 1999 that describes what the family can be like and how God imagines the family being. If you would like to read the full document here is the link. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng
Rather than going through all of the document some of the highlights that encourage having an ideal family and working to become a good strong family are found in this document and have even been backed up by sociologists as well!
Families function best when, "husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. . . Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations." This statement makes perfect sense and allies with most ideals held by most people. Children perform best when raised with both parents in the home. Statistically, daughters lead less permiscous lives when the father is present in the home and likewise sons perform better over all and lead more upstanding lives when both parents are consistently in the home. No one deserves to live in a broken family. Though it is possible, and there is a great need to respect single parents, divorced parents, and even adoption and foster families, nothing beats being raised by loving compassionate parents.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Parenting; Can It Be Done Right
After marriage, the next most exciting adventure you will ever go on in your life is having children and even more exciting, having to raise the children. Raising children to become strong independent adults who are responsible and are able to eventually contribute to society is a very stressful thing and the philosophy of how to properly raise such children is constantly changing and being added to.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Being an Effective Father
Fatherhood is an honor and yet in today's society we are so caught up in the empowerment of women that we forget the importance and even the necessity of having a father in the home and raising up strong, independent, and motivated men. Parents have a strong and powerful impact on the lives of their children, the mom is normally the primary nurturer and caregiver to her children, while fathers are generally the providers, protectors of the family, and the head of the household.
How to Finance a Home?
Fathers are typically in the role as primary provider and in general, make it a personal commitment to meet the physical needs of the family. My father has spent many days worrying about his family and the needs that we had to meet to live a good comfortable life. When a couple first gets married they may both work and provide for a good comfortable life but things begin to change when that couple gets to a point where they want to have a family. It turns from husband and wife working together to provide for their needs to father working full time and mother staying home for more of the time to care for a child and teach them in the best way possible.
A woman can work and be a wife and a mother but it is hard and incredibly stressful especially when there are young children in the home. Most women decide that they will stay home with their children until their kids go to school and then they will work while they are in school and be effective with their time and help her husband provide for her family. This decision has been and is being made by many women throughout the United States. In the mean time while the mom stays home and raises her young children, the dad becomes the sole provider of the home and this becomes his main role as well as working with his wife to raise and teach his children. These years of refinement and change can be difficult but they are worth it and if the family can make it through these changes in one peace, then they can make it through anything.
Impact of a Father in the Home
Fathers are an amazing character in the home. They are an example for the children of honor, respect, and hard work. There is nothing like the relationship between a father and his children. The statistics even show this. Children who are raised with a father in the home are more likely to be upstanding citizens than those without. Girls that are raised without a father in the home are more likely to live promiscuous lives and make bad decisions with the men they allow in their lives than if they had a father in the home. Men who are raised in homes without a father or even where the parents never married are more likely to turn to crime and researchers have found that these type of people are more likely to be the ones that shoot up a school.
Fathers are exceptional examples of right and wrong for their children. They want to do good and be good for their children so that they make the best choices and be happy in their lives. There is no one and nothing that can replace a good father. In homes where fathers are not present consistently in the home there are amazing father figures who surround the children and moms can be grateful for them. This can be harder because the child won't have a consistent example in their lives like they would of their actual father.
How to Finance a Home?
Fathers are typically in the role as primary provider and in general, make it a personal commitment to meet the physical needs of the family. My father has spent many days worrying about his family and the needs that we had to meet to live a good comfortable life. When a couple first gets married they may both work and provide for a good comfortable life but things begin to change when that couple gets to a point where they want to have a family. It turns from husband and wife working together to provide for their needs to father working full time and mother staying home for more of the time to care for a child and teach them in the best way possible.
A woman can work and be a wife and a mother but it is hard and incredibly stressful especially when there are young children in the home. Most women decide that they will stay home with their children until their kids go to school and then they will work while they are in school and be effective with their time and help her husband provide for her family. This decision has been and is being made by many women throughout the United States. In the mean time while the mom stays home and raises her young children, the dad becomes the sole provider of the home and this becomes his main role as well as working with his wife to raise and teach his children. These years of refinement and change can be difficult but they are worth it and if the family can make it through these changes in one peace, then they can make it through anything.
Impact of a Father in the Home
Fathers are an amazing character in the home. They are an example for the children of honor, respect, and hard work. There is nothing like the relationship between a father and his children. The statistics even show this. Children who are raised with a father in the home are more likely to be upstanding citizens than those without. Girls that are raised without a father in the home are more likely to live promiscuous lives and make bad decisions with the men they allow in their lives than if they had a father in the home. Men who are raised in homes without a father or even where the parents never married are more likely to turn to crime and researchers have found that these type of people are more likely to be the ones that shoot up a school.
Fathers are exceptional examples of right and wrong for their children. They want to do good and be good for their children so that they make the best choices and be happy in their lives. There is no one and nothing that can replace a good father. In homes where fathers are not present consistently in the home there are amazing father figures who surround the children and moms can be grateful for them. This can be harder because the child won't have a consistent example in their lives like they would of their actual father.
Friday, June 28, 2019
Loving Communication
Therapists will often tell you that one of the biggest inhibitors in a relationship is a lack of communication. This is sometimes true but the purpose of communication a majority of the time in a relationship is based off of manipulation. How can I get my spouse to do what I want. This idea may sound selfish at first but this is often something that is done subconsciously and not on purpose. How do you have better ways of communication that aren't based solely off of selfish means, and how can you find a way to meet both you and your partners needs?
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Dealing with a Family Crisis
Every family has troubles and experiences that shake the very foundation of the family. These instances come in the form of crisis and sometimes they are referred to as family troubles. These events may include one person or multiple people in the family but overall they affect the whole family. These troubles cause a lot of stress and because we are human we react to stress in a variety of ways namely we blame others or we feel a personal responsibility for the events that have occurred leading us to feel a sense of personal shame. A big factor, whether it be the cause of the drama, or the results of drama from a family crisis 6
What is Stress?
Stress can either be good or bad. Stress is an inner or exterior influence that encourages a person to act. Stress, acting as a good influence, encourages you to get a job done or to act in a timely manner and then once the task is done the stress is relieved. However, stress acting as a bad influence, is those same feelings to act but it doesn’t go away after the task is accomplished.
What is Stress?
Stress can either be good or bad. Stress is an inner or exterior influence that encourages a person to act. Stress, acting as a good influence, encourages you to get a job done or to act in a timely manner and then once the task is done the stress is relieved. However, stress acting as a bad influence, is those same feelings to act but it doesn’t go away after the task is accomplished.
When stress is added to a person it makes them act different and in a family situation that can be hard on everyone when mom or dad starts acting differently and even when the children experience stress and start acting out. Anything can cause a person to stress and different things can cause to experience different levels of stress. Some common stresses for a married couple and a family are the financial stability, unemployment, loss of a loved one, infidelity, divorce, and even infertility. Each of these events can cause serious contention and added anxiety to a family.
When the family experiences stress, its not just the parents that are affected even young children are capable of feeling the expressions and emotions of their parents fears and concerns. Just because you my think that your children are unaffected by your decisions in your "personal life" this is not the case. They are even in some cases even more affected and experience life long trauma because of the events that happen.
How to get over Stress?
Parents want to take care of their children and provide the best for them and in times of calm waters it's very easy to provide the best but when the storm comes everything gets thrown overboard and you soon have to either let everything fall apart in the storm of life and end up with nothing or you can bunker down and let others in and because of this hardship you end up with more than you could have ever bargained for.
First there is the event that causes the stress, registering and acknowledging what is causing the pain is the starting point. Then you must acknowledge that you are not alone in the situation. You are entitled to help and there are resources available to you and your family. The biggest resource available to you is your family, your immediate and extended family are resources of encouragement and strength. There is also the community around you, friends and neighbors, your faith, and education. These resources are able to influence your cognition or perception of your family and the situation.
You can overcome the challenges you face. You can do hard things and when you allow people to help, you are not alone in your crisis. You can deal with the stress and you can keep your family and after the crisis they will be better.
When the family experiences stress, its not just the parents that are affected even young children are capable of feeling the expressions and emotions of their parents fears and concerns. Just because you my think that your children are unaffected by your decisions in your "personal life" this is not the case. They are even in some cases even more affected and experience life long trauma because of the events that happen.
How to get over Stress?
Parents want to take care of their children and provide the best for them and in times of calm waters it's very easy to provide the best but when the storm comes everything gets thrown overboard and you soon have to either let everything fall apart in the storm of life and end up with nothing or you can bunker down and let others in and because of this hardship you end up with more than you could have ever bargained for.
First there is the event that causes the stress, registering and acknowledging what is causing the pain is the starting point. Then you must acknowledge that you are not alone in the situation. You are entitled to help and there are resources available to you and your family. The biggest resource available to you is your family, your immediate and extended family are resources of encouragement and strength. There is also the community around you, friends and neighbors, your faith, and education. These resources are able to influence your cognition or perception of your family and the situation.
You can overcome the challenges you face. You can do hard things and when you allow people to help, you are not alone in your crisis. You can deal with the stress and you can keep your family and after the crisis they will be better.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Intimacy in marriage and infidelity
The most anticipated day in a person's life is generally the day that they FINALLY get married! It is exciting and often is described as the happiest day in their lives. An event that is probably, even more anticipated than the wedding day, is the wedding night and the honeymoon. For many couples this is actually a cause for anxiety. The fear of under performing, being too experienced, or inexperienced all of these things are reason for worry and even concern about the relationship. Women know that it is easy to please a man, and men for the most part are aware of the struggle it is to please a woman and because of this reason, many people get divorced.
Always the number one reason couples get divorced is because of sex. Sex of itself has become such a common thing that for many people its a big concern for how things are in their personal life. Pornography and even PG-13 and R rated movies contain content that shows how sex can be fun. Don't get me wrong sex is fun but it's also a learning experience that forms bonds and can either strengthen or wreck their relationship. The things we view on the big screen and all throughout media may seem like good resources for how to have "good sex," but in actuality this fantasy causes more harm than it does good for the relationship.
In wanting to educate oneself on how to "be better in bed," it is important to get information from the right resources that won't harm or ruin the relationship. In searching for good resources people will turn to fantasy, other relationships, visual references, and even other sexual relations. Every single one of these resources leads to ruining a relationship through infidelity. These four categories are generally the main reason that people get divorced.
Fantasy and Media
Everyday, millions of people get online and will use media like Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, snap chat, and even video games that connect people and allow them to chat. This connection with people and addiction to media allow people to build relationships between people. This isn't normally a bad thing to build connections with people, but it is and can become a bad thing when flirting comes into play. When your single flirting is fun and enjoyable, but its a bad thing when you are married. Soon you become so preoccupied with messaging a person that may or may not even be in the same country as you that the relationship with your spouse is suddenly gone and a divorce quickly follows as a lack of connection forms between the couple.
Other Seemingly Harmless Relationships
Like most people, it is sometimes easier and more fun to have friends of the opposite gender however these friendships can be the most dangerous to a relationship. We've all had that friend who was dating someone and you get dragged along with them because you become friends with the boyfriend or girlfriend. This friendship may seem harmless but to your friend this could be taken as a threat. This jealousy can cause so many problems and cause a separation to occur in the relationship and it can also lead to feelings shifting in the couple and soon your friend ends up with the boyfriend or girlfriend. In an even more extreme case, it causes the end of a once happy marriage.
Visual Distractions
Pornography destroys relationships. If you are in a relationship with someone who is currently experiencing a porn addiction, you need to get help right away. It is a serious addiction and can cause the most harm to a relationship. Your partner will constantly wonder if they are good enough or how could they compare to this beautiful figure that you lust for. If you are in a porn addiction, you are not ready for a real emotional connection that comes from meaningful and lasting relationships. It is heart breaking when you see someone with an addiction of this sort come into another's life and make them feel worthless because of this addiction.
Other Partners
Surprisingly, having other relationships or sexual relationships is the leading cause of infidelity. You may have heard the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. This cannot be more true. Be wary of anyone who is willing to cheat on their supposed loved one. This could mean that they have more serious personal problems and it may do the individual good to be turned down every once in a while.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, I love seeing old couples that are still together after 30, 40 even 50 years of life together. Infidelity and sexuality are the leading causes of divorce. If anything is possible work on your relationship and make it last as long as possible!
Always the number one reason couples get divorced is because of sex. Sex of itself has become such a common thing that for many people its a big concern for how things are in their personal life. Pornography and even PG-13 and R rated movies contain content that shows how sex can be fun. Don't get me wrong sex is fun but it's also a learning experience that forms bonds and can either strengthen or wreck their relationship. The things we view on the big screen and all throughout media may seem like good resources for how to have "good sex," but in actuality this fantasy causes more harm than it does good for the relationship.
In wanting to educate oneself on how to "be better in bed," it is important to get information from the right resources that won't harm or ruin the relationship. In searching for good resources people will turn to fantasy, other relationships, visual references, and even other sexual relations. Every single one of these resources leads to ruining a relationship through infidelity. These four categories are generally the main reason that people get divorced.
Fantasy and Media
Everyday, millions of people get online and will use media like Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, snap chat, and even video games that connect people and allow them to chat. This connection with people and addiction to media allow people to build relationships between people. This isn't normally a bad thing to build connections with people, but it is and can become a bad thing when flirting comes into play. When your single flirting is fun and enjoyable, but its a bad thing when you are married. Soon you become so preoccupied with messaging a person that may or may not even be in the same country as you that the relationship with your spouse is suddenly gone and a divorce quickly follows as a lack of connection forms between the couple.
Other Seemingly Harmless Relationships
Like most people, it is sometimes easier and more fun to have friends of the opposite gender however these friendships can be the most dangerous to a relationship. We've all had that friend who was dating someone and you get dragged along with them because you become friends with the boyfriend or girlfriend. This friendship may seem harmless but to your friend this could be taken as a threat. This jealousy can cause so many problems and cause a separation to occur in the relationship and it can also lead to feelings shifting in the couple and soon your friend ends up with the boyfriend or girlfriend. In an even more extreme case, it causes the end of a once happy marriage.
Visual Distractions
Pornography destroys relationships. If you are in a relationship with someone who is currently experiencing a porn addiction, you need to get help right away. It is a serious addiction and can cause the most harm to a relationship. Your partner will constantly wonder if they are good enough or how could they compare to this beautiful figure that you lust for. If you are in a porn addiction, you are not ready for a real emotional connection that comes from meaningful and lasting relationships. It is heart breaking when you see someone with an addiction of this sort come into another's life and make them feel worthless because of this addiction.
Other Partners
Surprisingly, having other relationships or sexual relationships is the leading cause of infidelity. You may have heard the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. This cannot be more true. Be wary of anyone who is willing to cheat on their supposed loved one. This could mean that they have more serious personal problems and it may do the individual good to be turned down every once in a while.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, I love seeing old couples that are still together after 30, 40 even 50 years of life together. Infidelity and sexuality are the leading causes of divorce. If anything is possible work on your relationship and make it last as long as possible!
Saturday, June 8, 2019
Happily Ever After ... Is Not the End
You have found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and you have begun to discuss a life together and gradually you start to enter into the stage of the relationship where rings are being talked about and wedding bells are in the air. If you are like most modern couples you have already picked out a venue and a date for the wedding. Then finally he manages to get the nerve and the date is set and he asks you to marry him! It's beautiful and your so happy and feeling all of the emotions. However, being engaged does not mean that you have made it or even being married is not the end of something good, but it has the potential to be the start of something oh so good.
When you are engaged and planning a wedding for real, you have to make some serious decisions. These decisions include how the wedding is going to be, as well as serious decisions pertaining to life after marriage, like where you are going to live, how you are going to provide for the relationship, and also all of the added decisions that need to be made in order to start your life off in the right way. As important as these decisions are, it is just as important how you go about making these decisions while you are engaged.
Often engagements will end because the couple does not go about making decisions in the right way. They either will not make the arrangements themselves or they will let their parents make all of the arrangements for them, if the parents are involved in over amounts with the planning of a marriage, it is more likely to fail. A big thing that leads to engagements ending is money. The more money you put into a wedding the more likely the marriage is going to end in divorce.
There are so many special events that happen with a couple. You'd often think that the big event is the wedding but actually the way a couple meets is even more special. The first date and the actual process of falling in love makes the marriage last longer. Personal speculation is that when things get hard in a relationship you tend to latch onto memories and want to remind the other about those good times and draw on that love again from the past.
Marriage is not easy, it is by no means easy and it is definitely not the beginning of a happily ever after, they are still going to experience some hardships but there are ways to work through it and get to be better.
When you are engaged and planning a wedding for real, you have to make some serious decisions. These decisions include how the wedding is going to be, as well as serious decisions pertaining to life after marriage, like where you are going to live, how you are going to provide for the relationship, and also all of the added decisions that need to be made in order to start your life off in the right way. As important as these decisions are, it is just as important how you go about making these decisions while you are engaged.
Often engagements will end because the couple does not go about making decisions in the right way. They either will not make the arrangements themselves or they will let their parents make all of the arrangements for them, if the parents are involved in over amounts with the planning of a marriage, it is more likely to fail. A big thing that leads to engagements ending is money. The more money you put into a wedding the more likely the marriage is going to end in divorce.
There are so many special events that happen with a couple. You'd often think that the big event is the wedding but actually the way a couple meets is even more special. The first date and the actual process of falling in love makes the marriage last longer. Personal speculation is that when things get hard in a relationship you tend to latch onto memories and want to remind the other about those good times and draw on that love again from the past.
Marriage is not easy, it is by no means easy and it is definitely not the beginning of a happily ever after, they are still going to experience some hardships but there are ways to work through it and get to be better.
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